(#swoon)
In honor of the incredible musician that is Poe & one of my favorite songs of said musician, I'm finna hit a five and a half minute word sprint. The ground is white, the blood is green, and I'm a writin' machine.
Kick it.
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The bear had no feet, which was unfortunate. More unfortunate was his son's choice of a Father's Day present: vintage 1987 Nike Air Jordans. There are several levels as to how this borders literally on a horrific idea for a gift. The first, obviously, is how did a small bear obtain these kicks? Seriously, the more you dig into this story, the more levels it has. It's like a ridiculous onion.
So, not only does this bear manage to get a hold of shoes that human beings have murdered each other for, he provides them to a father, who not only has no feet, but harbors a deep hatred of all sports due to, again, the fact he has no feet.
Possibly the most troubling aspect of all this is, how did the small bear get the money to pay for the shoes? He had no money, no job. All the money his dad had in the world, other than his stock in Dover Motorsports, was the $12.53 he thought was hidden outside under a rock. Fact is, that money was stolen years ago by a kid who gave it to the local wino for two bottles of grape Mad Dog 20/20 and a quick tug job behind the gas station.
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