Charlotte startled herself by saying it out loud. She was in Eve’s bathroom, looking through the medicine cabinet as one should in their hated rival’s private space. Causing the comment was prescription extra-strength yeast infection cream. It was doled out by Eve’s pharmacist less than a week ago, meaning Charlotte’s host was probably slathered with the medicine while she stood there snooping.
Charlotte continued her wrist-deep explorations into Eve’s personals, realizing she didn’t really hate Eve. Not really. More of a professional dislike; a mild distaste, even. Eve’s collection of workplace awards could lead some to think Charlotte’s animosity sprung from jealousy.
Hardly.
It’s just that Eve was such an apple-polishing hall monitor goody-goody pain in the ass. Who doesn’t do the occasional key bump in the bathroom before work? Not Eve, apparently. And when Eve saw the switchblade Charlotte kept in her purse, she immediately had to tattle like a snitch in need of a stitch.
Her train of thought screeched to a stop, her gaze landing on a half-full pill bottle. Charlotte looked at the label & thought Holy shit! She’d hit the mother lode. Vicodin, 10 mgs & according to the label, Eve had three more refills. Charlotte popped the top, shook out two pills, thought about it, and shook out two more. She tossed them into her mouth & washed them down with water from the sink.
Waiting for the sweet wave of opioid euphoria to kick in, Charlotte began digging in earnest. She glanced past a bottle of 40-mg Prozac & kept going. Charlotte herself was on 80 mgs, one of four SSRIs that prevented her from making the news via a workplace shooting, so she empathized with Eve on that one.
A knock on the door startled Charlotte into knocking over a bottle of rubbing alcohol, which fell into a jar of salve, almost knocking both onto the floor.
“Are you OK?” asked Eve.
It’s just that Eve was such an apple-polishing hall monitor goody-goody pain in the ass. Who doesn’t do the occasional key bump in the bathroom before work? Not Eve, apparently. And when Eve saw the switchblade Charlotte kept in her purse, she immediately had to tattle like a snitch in need of a stitch.
Her train of thought screeched to a stop, her gaze landing on a half-full pill bottle. Charlotte looked at the label & thought Holy shit! She’d hit the mother lode. Vicodin, 10 mgs & according to the label, Eve had three more refills. Charlotte popped the top, shook out two pills, thought about it, and shook out two more. She tossed them into her mouth & washed them down with water from the sink.
Waiting for the sweet wave of opioid euphoria to kick in, Charlotte began digging in earnest. She glanced past a bottle of 40-mg Prozac & kept going. Charlotte herself was on 80 mgs, one of four SSRIs that prevented her from making the news via a workplace shooting, so she empathized with Eve on that one.
A knock on the door startled Charlotte into knocking over a bottle of rubbing alcohol, which fell into a jar of salve, almost knocking both onto the floor.
“Are you OK?” asked Eve.
Charlotte hoped Eve hadn’t heard the commotion in the cabinet. Thank God I locked the door.
“Uh, yeah, I’m fine. I had a lot of cheese today & I’m pretty bound up. I’ll be done in a minute.”
She’d never been good at spontaneous lying. Plus, the Vikes were taking effect which didn’t help, but did prevent her from caring.
“That’s...that’s fine. Hope everything comes out fine.”
Charlotte could hear Eve turn around to return to the living room. Relief flooded her nervous system along with the soothing joy of hydrocodone. She knew she’d better finish up before Miss Are-You-OK offered her a suppository. And wouldn’t you know it, as she thought it, Charlotte saw a small box of suppositories. Between the cooter cream, the pills & the poop bullets, Eve had a lot going on.
Shutting the cabinet door & flushing the toilet for effect, Charlotte readied herself. Eve’s daughter wasn’t going to get any deader, but Charlotte figured she should extend some kind of condolence, especially after helping herself to the pills that shuffled the deceased off this mortal coil.
