LitStack.com: Favorite Literary BFFs

Again, no real shock based on the pic, but over at LitStack, we talked about our favorite literary BFFs. Go take a look. I promise it won't suck.

VIDEO: Hitler & His Thoughts on Tim Drake Being Gay

Will DC Make Tim Drake Comics' Newest Gay Character?

(Tim Drake, the third Robin, seen here in his current identity as Red Robin. Photo courtesy of Wikipedia)

Homosexual heroes in the world of comics is nothing new. Neil Gaiman has incorporated gay characters in his books, Northstar of Alpha Flight "came out" in 1992 (although basically in name only since his sexuality was never really mentioned), and Bunker of the New 52's Teen Titans, Karma of the New Mutants and many others have been openly homosexual in the pages of our favorite comics. There have been some very strong and award-winning stories featuring gay characters in mainstream comics, such as X-Force mainstays Shatterstar and Rictor, and there have been absolutely fucking brutal stereotypes that should be erased from existence, such as the reboot of The Rawhide Kid.

As I was reading through my Twitter feeds this morning, I saw DC Women Kicking Ass posting about the possibility of former Robin/current Red Robin (Yummmmmm!) coming out as a homosexual. Current co-publisher of DC Comics Dan Didio has stated in the past in an interview with the gay-oriented magazine The Advocate that DC would not "turn" an existing character gay, but would create an all-new character, like the Teen Titans' Bunker, that gay fans could identify with from the beginning.

However, Didio and DC has apparently done an about face. According to an interview with Bleeding Cool, he said they are about to re-introduce an existing character who will become the company's most prominent gay character. The ladies at DC Women Kicking Ass publicly considered the possibility of Drake coming out of the closet and they have spent the remainder of the day discussing/debating the topic with the droves of people who have commented on the original post.

The Rictor/Shatterstar storyline earned a GLAAD Media Award for Outstanding Comic Book, despite Rob Liefield, the creator of the characters, saying he would reboot the characters if he ever had the chance (way to keep an open mind, dickhole. Go back to drawing big-titted heroines and leave making the world a better place to others) and Drake being "outed" would be just as big, if not bigger given his affiliation with Batman, arguably DC's (and possibly all of comics') most popular character.

Therein lies the problem.

The relationship between Batman and Robin has been questioned as far back as the two have been partners (crime-fighting partners, assholes; you know what I was talking about). Dick Grayson was the Robin most folks have identified as being Batman's, ahem, Boy Wonder if you catch my drift (NOW you can be a pervert). Grayson went on to become Nightwing, a great hero in his own right. Jason Todd followed and was thought to have been killed by the Joker and later resurfaced as Red Hood. Drake became the third Robin and, later, Bruce Wayne's adopted son, so I don't think there has been any serious belief that Batman and Drake have ever been anything other than a crimefighting duo and that's all.

However, Drake being introduced to the world as a gay character, despite all the positives, would create a very serious distraction. Grant Morrison recently stating he believed Batman was gay certainly can't help DC's decision, if Drake is truly the character they're planning to out. Tim being a homosexual would do little more in the mainstream than refuel all the "Batman and Robin are gay" comments and jokes. It would be a hit for the late-night comics, it would turn into fodder for the homophobes and idiots who know nothing of the comics or the storylines. DC has garnered a ton of positive press for its relaunch of the New 52 and I'm not sure they want to run the risk of tarnishing that by dealing with the jackasses who would turn a great decision into a cheap line of dick jokes.

The sad thing is, Drake really would be a perfect character for the storyline. He's an extremely interesting, three dimensional character who has been popular since his debut more than 20 years ago. During the Batman/Bane storyline, he became one of the strongest characters at DC. He's young and identifiable with teen readers and with his being an orphan and then adopted, he already has appeal to those who have struggled through their adolescence. Making him gay would see Tim Drake as a hero who would give hope to real-life teens and young adults struggling with their sexuality, especially now in a political landscape that seemingly wants gays to have the same social standing as blacks in America throughout the 19th and 20th century and Jews during the Third Reich.

It's important that there be a character, even if it's not Tim Drake, to be held up as a role model and a gay hero that doesn't just confirm all the effeminate, swishy stereotypes (again, see The Rawhide Kid). Seeing a gay hero on the pages of a mainstream comic can not only provide gay youth with inspiration and assurance that they are not "living in sin" or "making a lifestyle choice" or bad people, it can provide education to those that believe those aforementioned comments.

I applaud DC for making this decision and I really hope that it's Tim and I thank DC Women Kicking Ass for creating this debate.

For more information on gays throughout comic history, check out this Wikipedia entry.

When Did Batman Turn Into Iron Man?

(Batman: Then & Now)

I love Batman. Always have, even in my younger days, when I first started reading comics and was a Marvel guy. While I was collecting X-Men in the late 70s, early 80s, I was reading Batman. The X-Men had some great storylines at the time focusing on some of the personal aspects of the characters, but Batman was dark and gritty. Joker and Two-Face were evil on a level a normal person could understand. No super powers, they would kill you up close and personal. They were a "real" evil. While the X-Men were battling galactic-level super beings on the other side of the universe, Batman was fighting baddies in the streets. He had no super powers other than his genius mind and his money.

Sound familiar?

It should. That same description could also apply to Iron Man. Tony Stark, along with the Avengers, are riding a wave of massive popularity thanks to the record-setting movie (which was fucking spectacular, thankyouverymuch) and one of the comments repeated throughout the movie (don't worry, it's not a spoiler or anything) is that Stark is just a guy in a suit. No, Tony Stark is a guy in suit of armor that, granted, he designed and built, but could probably work just as well without him, at least the version in the movie. Regardless of the movie, in the comics (which is canon), his armor is a miracle of modern technology and it is Tony's courage and genius that powers the suit.

Bruce Wayne isn't just a guy in a suit. He's the goddamned Batman. He didn't need anything other than his utility belt, the Batmobile, the Batcave, and Alfred. Yes, he had an unbelievable, multimillion dollar computer lab/car garage within the Batcave. Sure, he had a little bit of anything and everything on that utility belt. But his costume was just that--a costume. The Dark Knight Detective didn't need a billion-dollar suit of armor.

That changed along the way.

As examples, I'm going to use my two favorite Batman storylines: Bane/Broken Bat and Hush. In the Bane storyline, he wore his old-school costume. When he fought Firefly, he wore a thermal costume with a kevlar helmet because he knew going in the battle would require it. For the rest of the story, it was just his normal costume. In fact, once Batman was "broken" by Bane, the term "cape and cowl" was used ad nauseum by Robin, Alfred, Azrael, etc. to describe what made Batman the threat that he was to the criminal element. To the shitbags on the street, they didn't know/care if it was Bruce Wayne or Bruce Springsteen, all they knew is that the guy wearing that costume scared the piss out of them.

Let's move to Hush. The story opens with Batman attempting to rescue the son of a millionaire businessman. Bats was in the dark and underground, but had a HUD (heads-up display) in his mask/helmet like, you know, that Stark guy or an X-Wing fighter. After rescuing the aforementioned child, he takes off through the Gotham skyline after Catwoman who had stolen the ransom money (just read the damned book if you want to know more and haven't read it; I'm not going to go through the whole thing here). His line gets cut, he falls 'x' number of feet to the alley below where he fractures his skull, suffers some internal injuries, and is generally fucked up beyond repair.

Cut to a bunch of alley-dwelling ne'er do wells realizing THE Batman has just fallen in their midst. As they surround our hero and attempt to remove his mask, vents automatically open on the mask, spraying gas on the would-be identity discoverers. And how did he survive the fall to begin with? The fact that his "costume" was able to absorb the impact.

Now granted, as a billionaire, I'm sure he's going to do anything and everything he can to make his suit as offensively and defensively powerful as possible, but come on. If you Google "Batman vs. Iron Man," that's actually a thing now. Because they are both genius, billionaire playboys who fight crime in highly-advanced suits of armor and people who are curious as to who would win (Cracked.com has their opinion on the matter). Batman has become the Wolverine of DC Comics; it's impossible to defeat him. Example: Batman has beaten Super-fucking-Man. More than once. Seriously? Seriously??

Wolverine was created to be indestructible. He has a mutant healing factor, super senses, unbreakable adamantium bones and some wicked-ass claws. Batman's just a guy, a guy who used to get his bell rung from time to time back in the day. That's what made his stories so compelling. His HUD wasn't able to assess the situation within nanoseconds and communicate with his suit to provide him the perfect weapon to end the confrontation. He was a card-carrying badass in a costume who was able to use a little bit of tech and a whole lotta fist to beat his opponents, not an X-Man and not Iron Man.

Now having said all that, Batman is taking a pretty serious beating at the hands of the Court of Owls in the current storyline in all the Bat-titles, but it's still not the same as the gray-and-blue costumed Batman with the yellow logo on his chest. Comics are fantasy, not real. I get that. But where Batman is concerned, it's getting harder and harder to suspend disbelief. Perfect examples of what I'm talking about is Nightwing and Batgirl. Great heroes and great comics with realistic storylines that don't need a $1.2 million monthly budget for costume maintenance.

There's no way they can return Batman to the old days because one, that would be stupid. Why would he voluntarily give up impregnable armor for spandex? And two, the storylines have advanced too far. The villains he's facing are far worse than the occasional scuffles with Harvey Dent and his gang of wannabe mobsters. Check out the New 52 Justice League issues 1-6. Dude's facing some pretty serious villainy there.

To conclude my rambling bitchfest, I know things change and progress has to move forward. But what made Batman so great was the believability. That has slowly, subtly disappeared over the years. Nightwing is awesome and a great hero in his own right and a more-than-worthy successor to Batman. But he's not Batman. Batman is Batman and while he's arguably the best-written character in mainstream comics right now, it would be nice to have some of the reality mixed back in with the fantasy.

Quick, Robin, to the Bat-Wrist!

Batgirl vs. Catwoman

 

Throughout history, rivalries have defined the existence of mankind. Man vs. Dinosaurs. Jesus vs. the Romans. King Arthur vs. Mordred. Ali vs. Frazier. Man vs. Food. But there is one rivalry, one contest of who is better that makes all the aforementioned pairings take on the importance of South Park's legendary Giant Douche vs. Turd Sandwich.

Batgirl vs. Catwoman: who's hotter?

For the sake of argument, I'm only using the versions you see above, from DC Comics' New 52 line. So, nothing from the Batman TV Series or any of the cartoons, nothing from the 80s or 90s, and no, you CAN'T vote on Barbara Gordon as the paraplegic Oracle. You sick fuck.

We'll start with Batgirl first, since her name starts with a B and B comes before C in the alphabet. You just learned something! Some background on Batgirl, she's the daughter of Gotham City Commissioner Jim Gordon. Well, at least for now. She WAS his niece at some point. I'm still not real clear on how she went from niece to daughter. Fuck it. She's his daughter now, that's the important bit. She decided to be Batgirl and hung out with Batman and Robin and Nightwing and the whole gang. She was taken down by the Joker after he shot her in the spine. The irony being, Joker didn't know he was taking out Batgirl; he just thought he was wounding the daughter of Commissioner Gordon in front of him. Funny. But not funny ha-ha. Not at all, sir.

The now paralyzed Barbara Gordon used her superior intellect and computer abilities to become Oracle, Batman's eye in the sky. She also was the sorta leader of the Birds of Prey, which included Black Canary, Huntress, and other unbelievably hot-ass super heroines. Especially Black Canary. Have you read the Frank Miller/Jim Lee All-Star Batman & Robin, the Boy Wonder? BC as an Irish lass who TOTALLY does it with Batman. Well, it's IMPLIED that they did it. And Vicky Vale in that book? Good Lord. Glad Jim Lee wasn't doing comics when I was a kid. I'd be shooting dust out of my daddy button if that were the case.

ANYWAY, when the New 52 started, Babs was back as Batgirl and we're starting to find out how exactly she regained the use of her legs. She's cute as a button, smart, and a redhead. I dig redheads. But not gingers. They have no soul, you know.

So let's look at the Pros and Cons of Batgirl:

PROS: She's crazy intelligent. Batman relies on her to be a step ahead of him. Yeah, THAT Batman. She has a great sense of humor. Hanging out with Alfred, Nightwing, and Tim Drake (I refuse to call him Red Robin; that has to be the most ridiculous super hero name ever. I either think "Yummmmmm!" or about him going bob-bob-bobbing along when I hear that name), one needs to have their chops in regards to their level of sarcastic wit. She's a good girl. This isn't someone who's going to string you along. She's tough, not just physically, but mentally. The Joker shot her point blank and she not only got her shit together, she became the Oracle. That's one tough young lady.

CONS: Let's look at that Joker issue. Barbara wasn't just shot that night, she was physically and sexually abused. Joker stripped her naked and proceeded to take VERY provocative pics of her in suggestive positions while she lay dying in an effort to mentally destroy her father. Having said that, if your idea of a great relationship is one where the sex is coming early and often, there's not much of a chance of that happening here. And that's on top of her being a nice girl in the first place. You're not weaseling into those drawers on the first date...or on the 15th for that matter. Especially now that she's walking again. She's trying to get her life back in order, both as Barbara Gordon and as Batgirl. She may complain about not having a man, but she probably isn't looking that hard. Plus, she's not going to give up the secret identity anytime soon, so there will be a LOT of unexpected exits and weird excuses for not making dates, etc. Finally, her dad is the police commissioner for Gotham City, one of the most corrupt cities in the country, AND she's tight with the GODDAMNED BATMAN! You screw her over and your entire body is going to be worked over like a cadaver being autopsied with fists and ball bats instead of scalpels. So...yeah.

And then, there's the Catwoman.

Her origins are based on her being a jewel thief and one of Batman's minor villains. The comely Selina Kyle never seemed interested in killing the Dark Knight. She seemed more desirous of bedding Batman, which she eventually did, or at least, based on the Hush storyline, we can assume she did. Catwoman went through some pretty brutal costumes (that all purple thing she wore during the Bane/Broken Bat era was just hideous), but her current one? The one she wears as she sashays through town with in the Arkham City video game? Yeah. Let's just say there are some movies that, ahem, turned me into a man in the 80s that weren't NEARLY as suggestive as her wiggle in that game. Mmmmmmmm...

Catwoman eventually became something of a "good guy," though she still had some sticky fingers (I mean she still stole, you fucking pervs). However, Selina loved her some Batman/Bruce Wayne and despite still being an independent type of lady, her heart was in the right place.

So, let's look at the good and bad re: Catwoman:

PROS: She's fucking HAWT. This is a girl who probably wouldn't have a problem trading some sexy time for a vault combination, some diamonds, or some help in cutting off Two-Face's second head, if you catch my drift. His wiener. I'm referring to his wiener. In case you didn't know. Plus, you know, unless you're the aforementioned Batman, this isn't going to be a long-term deal. If you're lucky, you can find enough reasons for her to stay on your good side, but you're not marrying this broad. And anyone who wears skin-tight leather with the zipper down to her waist and no bra is probably not bashful in the boudoir. She's also loaded. This isn't someone you have to worry about supporting financially. Granted, she's got money because she can easily convince the dudes in her life to buy her dinners, diamonds, small islands in the South Pacific, but you're not going to have to be the one to provide her with an apartment, a car, etc. Did I mention she's crazy hot? I did? Oh. Well, it bears repeating.

CONS: She will cut your dick off if you fuck with her. She's a martial artist on par with Batman and, as stated above, doesn't really need nor want you in the sack. It just suits her purpose at the time. Granted, she's working on the side of angels lately, but she still could easily turn into a black widow pretty quick. She gives up the poonanner, you give her whatever it is she wants, seconds later, the wall behind your head is now colored in a new shade called "Hint of Brain." And you will fall in love with her LONG before she even commits your name to memory. And there's that intelligence thing. This isn't some idiot; you want hot, dangerous AND stupid, go find Harley Quinn while wearing white face and a green wig. Finally, if Catwoman doesn't kill you post-coitus, you can almost guarantee she's going to steal your stuff.

WINNER: Shit, I don't know. Six of one, half a dozen of the other. Based solely on appearance, I'm going with Batgirl/Barbara Gordon. I've always been the "It's hotter to conceal rather than to reveal" kinda guy. Yes, Selina Kyle is ridiculously hot (I think I mentioned that), but Babs in a ponytail, wearing reading glasses in a pair of sweats is pretty strong. Plus, by the time we finally get around to having, er, relationships, she'll be deeply in love with me and the fact I'm just awful at the act of demonstrating physical love will be something she'll just have to deal with.

Not that any of this matters. They're fictional characters. And even if they were real, do you think they'd be into someone who read this entire blog? 

Or wrote it?