The Ballad of Oliver of the Stubby Legs
Far and near, hear the proclamation,
Throughout the lands of our beloved nation,
I now extend an engraved invitation,
To mourn the loss of Oliver.
Respected by enemies, loved by friends,
His valor I’ll never fail to defend,
He was strong and brave to the very end,
As he fell in battle.
Speedy and svelte, Oliver was not,
He was pretty gassy and slept a lot,
But for his bravery my Pickle got
To cross the Bridge to Valhalla.
He heeded the call from the time it came,
Despite the fact his legs were lame,
And it’s true it interrupted his game,
Of begging for some bananas.
The battle was long and it was fierce,
Many bellies his sword did pierce,
I throw in a random word like ‘bierce’
Because it fits the rhyme scheme.
Though he warred with courage, the battle was hard,
Through his pain he inspired this bard,
Within the din, he said “Hey, Pard
Howsabout you rub my belly?”
After the rub, he stood and fought,
A little longer than perhaps he ought,
He feuded until he finally bought,
The farm where he’d live forever.
The Valkyries arrived to take him home,
With his trusty sword and his favorite bone,
Now he will never be alone,
Since he’s crossed the Rainbow Bridge.
He won’t be forgotten, he was my boy,
Oliver brought me no end of joy,
With the endless techniques he would employ,
To con me out of treats.
So lift your cups and raise them high,
As long as I have mem’ries he’ll never die,
I’ll miss his snoot upon my thigh,
But now and forever, he’s at peace.